If you read the title and the word “FINALLY!” entered your brain, you can bite me! I haven’t been slacking for no reason…I had a very good reason! I decided that when I was so surreptitiously dismissed from the last hell I called a job that I had some serious issues to work on, and I’ve been doing just that.
I won’t lie, I was madder than hell at first. I felt the same way I felt when my “starter husband” dumped me. WTF??? You’re dumping ME? After all the crap I put up with? I should be dumping YOU!! And there it is…what do I have to learn so this doesn’t happen again? So since August, while I haven’t been blogging, I’ve been backpacking through Europe in my brain. I’ve been finding myself again and I finally remembered that I wasn’t lost and that I’m freakin’ awesome!
I’m not beating myself up for staying in the crappy working situation for the last 3 years. I’m thankful. It was my part of the pain and suffering that Steven and I needed to weather in order for him to get the stem cell transplant. He had to suffer the bodily pain to be healed, I had to suffer the mental anguish. But it was worth it for both of us. His cancer is gone and we had the health insurance and income to afford it. So, the crap that I endured was all for good reason. And I hope I never have to do that again, but if I do, I probably will! Because that’s how I roll!
I also determined in retrospect that this dumping wasn’t surprising. I was duly warned by another designer who been there previously that they were the worst people in the world. Of course I thought that might be an exaggeration, which is wasn’t, but I knew going into it that it would be a hornet’s nest. And I chose to go in. (Note to self – I had been warned about the “starter” husband, too…just saying’) So apparently I will dip my toe in hot oil if I think it will grease my way to a better place. And it has…both times…
I also spent a lot of time staring at my “Magic Eight Ball Orchid” which is still blooming Bee Tee Dubs, contemplating my navel and being thankful. Throughout the years, I have been able to extract myself from the bad times and turn them to good. So maybe I don’t have “issues” as much as I have “life.” And each extraction from bad has turned me toward really, really good. And the choices I make are just that, choices. And choices are never wrong, they just might sometimes be bad but sometimes we have to make bad choices to get to a good place.
These last months of unemployment have been glorious. I lucked into the time to spend with Steven during the most boring part of his recovery. He’s not been sick, but not yet well. He needed company, encouragement, entertainment and laughter amidst the naps. That is what I’m all about! It has been wonderful for both of us. And his stamina has improved enough that he’s ready to start doing some things without a chaperone. And I’m ready to leave him without worrying. So it’s time to move on to the next adventure. And so we will.
That’s my big discovery. And it seems the biggest are sometimes the smallest which is really big!
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