Too Many Thoughts for My Tired Old Brain

IMG_1236Have you missed me?  I’ve been wanting to add a new post for a while, but I just couldn’t get my brain to settle down enough to focus on a any particular idea and organize it.  So today might just very well end up as a smorgasbord of semi-connecting concepts.  But I’m going to share anyway, because I think this is a direct result of the past year (yes…surprisingly it’s been that long!) and I’m trying my best to keep it real!

  1. Steven is doing great.  That’s the most important topic of every day.  His last visit with Dr. Sprawls had the doctor in awe of the progress and the full experience of what’s gone on.  He can’t believe that Steven was taken right to the very edge of death only to come back as the new-new and improved Steven 3.0 (For a little more history, read A Thank You to Cancer For Steven 2.0 from February 2011)  Steven knew the doctor
    SISTER MARY STEVEN...LOL!  HIS HEAD IS ALWAYS COLD!

    SISTER MARY STEVEN…LOL! HIS HEAD IS ALWAYS COLD!

    was more amazed than we are because he kept repeating, “You know they gave you LETHAL doses of chemo, right?”  The answer to that, by the way. is YES!!!!  We know…even though we tried not to think about it at the time, the days after the transplant, Day +7 through Day +20 to be exact, were fucked up!!!!  For poor Steven, I’m pretty sure his main thoughts during that span were that he knew he COULD die, was pretty sure he WOULDN”T die but absolutely felt like he HAD died and gone to HELL!  And now we’re through it and it’s changed life for both of us in the most extreme way…and I can’t even put it in to words yet.  The only thing I’ve got right now is “Fucking Unbelievable” and I don’t think that’s really an article for Yahoo Health!

  2. Facebook has this new annoying addition of grabbing a throw back photo from IMG_0577a past post and popping it into your news feed just to screw with your brain.  I’ve been in a tailspin since July 27 when I had a photo thrown in my face of Maritza and Zoey in the backseat of the car with the caption, “Maritza and Zoey want a dog…going to try on a few!”  It made me so sad that we picked out a new puppy, waited anxiously for her to be old enough to come home to us, got her home just to find out that Steven’s chemo hadn’t worked.  After a lot of sickness and hospital stays mixed in with puppy training and being outnumbered by high energy canines, we ultimately had to find new homes for all three girls in 1 year.  And then added the transplant process on top of that.  Seriously, God…WTF?  YouPREGNANT PEDICURES might me giving me too much credit for strength!
  3. The news that Alexis was growing us a grand baby was the turning point in grabbing on to a life line.  We found out right before the transplant and it was the ray of light that we turned on when things were the bleakest.  Sadly, I went way overboard on my prediction that I was getting a granddaughter.  Thank you God for making me leave the bag I brought from home in the car.  It held a few items of hand-made heirloom girl clothes that were made by me and my mom when Alexis was a sprout.  I can’t decide how crazy it is that I would hang on to that stuff or how embarrassing that it would have been to present a pile of couture cross-dressing styles to her in front of her friends.  Either way, I just wish I could have gotten my face to keep smiling without my eye twitching and FEED MEmy mouth tensing up in a grin resembling The Joker!  Unfortunately, I’ve gotten the rep of being a big mouth who can’t keep a secret, so I found out the news with the rest of the general public and just wasn’t prepared to be wrong. A little pre-party notice would have been nice!  Surprisingly, you’d think by now that Alexis would know that I always feel like I should get preferential treatment.  But she’ll understand in 4 short months when she tries to push a Perdue Oven Stuffer Roaster out her lady parts.  Next time she’ll know why I feel that I ain’t just the one of the masses!  And, boys are good too and I’m still excited to have a baby in the family.  And I’m not asking again what they are going to name him.  I needed a quick fix to get used to the boy thing, so I decided that I’m calling him Chachi!
  4. I’ve been limping around longer that I can remember walking right.  I’m pretty SWOLLEN KNEEsure I haven’t worn heels in over a year.  This is the first time in my life where I’ve got a closet full of flat shoes, and I really don’t like it.  Seriously, when we first went up to Gainesville for Steven’s evaluation, I actually needed to use his walker to get get around the huge facility.  In between evaluation and collection, I went to a orthopedist who took x-rays and determined a bunch of minor problems.  An MRI was really in order, but I just didn’t have the time with Steven’s full treatment schedule, so I got a shot of cortisone and limped away.  It helped, but not enough to get me on my own feet without walking like Granpappy Amos.  I hated the fact that Steven could move faster than me, so in between collection and transplant, I stopped in for a second shot of cortisone while we were home.  I was told that and MRI was mandatory if the pain continued and it did.  So I did.  When we finally returned for good I squeezed in an MRI before returning to work.  It seems I’ve been hobbling around with a torn meniscus, a huge Bakers cyst on the back of my knee and a bulb shaped swelling of bursitis on the front of my knee.  gallagher_audienceWhen I shave my legs it’s like a trip through the Rockies!  So I’ve got a date set for August 14 for arthroscopic surgery that’s supposed to be a snap.  I don’t see how that can be.  I think the doc is going to drill the first hole in my knee and get hit in the face with a geyser of fluid tantamount to Old Faithful before he even reaches my meniscus.  I’m no doctor but if I can see the fluid from the outside, I can’t figure out how he’s going to get around it without it being like a first row seat to see Gallagher!  Either way, I’ve already got a prescription for pain pills for afterwords and I’m going to insist on a little sumpin-sumpin to calm my nerves upon arrival.  Not for nuthin’ but my pits are sweating already.
  5. And finally, it’s the usual quarterly scare of “I could get laid off at any minute” going on at work.  I’ve never had a job that was so tumultuous and I was a stand up comic for 8 years!  I just work for a builder who loves to chain yank and my bosses either don’t pay attention enough, don’t worry that they still haven’t found anything definite to fill the gap if we do lose the account or, and this is my opinion, don’t give a rat’s ass about me.  After all, I got laid off once 3 years ago kinda in the same way.  And since I believe the rule of thumb is, and I paraphrase, “Screw me once, shame on you…screw me twice, shame on me!”
    YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

    YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

    So that’s another thought for my tired old brain.

For the most part I don’t let it bother me too much.  However, this weekend was the blue moon, so I did spend a good part of Saturday howling at whatever, retaining water and bloating like water balloon and feeling a little sorry for myself.  But today is Sunday, I’m trying to shake off the bad vibes and focus on all the great stuff going on.  So here’s the short list:

  1. Steven isn’t dead and is cancer free.
  2. I don’t have to pick up poop in the back yard.
  3. Granny loves Chachi
  4. Free knee surgery since our out of pocket maximum has been met
  5. FMLA says I can’t get fired, so I wonder what will happen next??? STAY TUNED!  SAME BAT TIME…SAME BAT CHANNEL!

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widgetTHIS IS IT! WE CAN SEE THE HOME STRETCH! Unfortunately, we don’t know when Steven will be able to be 100% self sufficient to be left to his own devices. Until that happens, I’ll be taking assorted days off from work AGAIN…We’d appreciate any help you can give us!  PLEASE VISIT OUR “GO FUND ME” PAGE

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