Cancer Stinks!

prison wall calendarHere’s the update.  We have been in a “holding pattern” since January 12.  A few days after our appointment at Shands, Steven got a call booking him the next available appointment with the Bone Marrow Transplant Specialist.   Unfortunately, the “next available” is February 2.  Happy Groundhog Day!  I pleaded with Steven to call back to see if he could get in sooner but he just kept telling me to have patience.  Luckily, the letter with the forms that came for this appointment were intercepted by Lucy Mae Harp, the counter surfing puppy who will chew up anything she whippet eating paper towelsees a human deem as important.  So when Steven called to request that the forms be sent again, he gently reminded them that he would be willing to arrive on a moment’s notice if someone canceled an appointment.  The less than enthusiastic person on the other end of the phone told him she already had that noted, however no one really makes an appointment with this guy just for shits and giggles. (My words, not hers).  The end game is that everybody is in dire straits when their on this guy’s calendar, so cancellations are highly unlikely.

Which brings me to our holding pattern.  My life feels like prison, where each day is just an “X” on the calendar while we wait. And it is torture.  I’m trying my best to remain calm but I’m pretty sure I’m not fooling anyone!  I’m exhausted.

scrubbing bubblesI wake up in the middle of the night and I swear I can hear the cancer growing in Steven’s body.  Not for nuthin’ but for me, I hear those freakin’ “Scrubbing Bubbles” sounds from that bathroom cleaner commercial.  I have no idea where that came from, but I swear to you, I hear that sound in the dark of night!  And then in the morning, his neck looks bigger each day.  I hate to admit that my pretty boy husband looks like Jabba the Hut, so let’s just pretend I didn’t add that to this post!

STEVEN - NOVEMBER 2014 WITH NORMAL HAIR AND A NORMAL NECK

STEVEN – NOVEMBER 2014 WITH NORMAL HAIR AND A NORMAL NECK

STEVEN YESTERDAY WITH KRAMER HAIR AND BULLFROG FOOTBALL PLAYER NECK

STEVEN YESTERDAY WITH KRAMER HAIR AND BULLFROG FOOTBALL PLAYER NECK

TIME LAPSE – 2 MONTHS

HE’S STILL TRYING TO SMILE BUT IN 2 MONTHS HE’S TAKEN A LOT OF ABUSE FROM THE INSIDE OF HIS BODY TO THE OUT.

Which brings me to the “cancer stinks” part of my rant.  While we were in our meeting with Dr. Lynch on January 12, we talked about many things.  One little theory which I mentioned to him was a subject for which I want credit.  I told him that I figured out that I could monitor Steven’s cancer by paying attention to our pets’ dog lick habits.  When his cancer starts becoming a problem, meaning growing, the dogs start constantly licking his pillows.  There has got to be something in cancer cranial juice!

MARITZA HAVING A PILLOW SNACK

MARITZA HAVING A PILLOW SNACK

When Steven was diagnosed 10 years ago, we had 2 Cocker Spaniels who would lick his pillow like it was a ham bone.  I even documented in in my post back in 2011 called HEAD GRAVY.  Zoey and Maritza have been pillow licking constantly since the summer, and when we got the puppy, she just went right for his head.  So even though I told Dr. Lynch he should get a few of his grad students on the job of researching this theory, I want to go on record as being the one to get the ball rolling.  I guess I still need applause!

So with all that being said, I can now tell what the dogs are going after.  Cancer STINKS!  And now even I can smell it.  We are changing the sheets and pillowcases more frequently than a 5 star hotel.  And it’s scaring the crap out of me.  If my husband needed chemo in a big way when the dogs were sensing it, WTF must it be like and how bad must it be if I can smell it?  I’m not trying to be gross, really!  It’s not that Steven isn’t clean, because even though he doesn’t have the energy to stand in the shower, we’ve put one of those pathetic nursing home seats in there so he can just sit under the pounding water like he’s a jalopy in a car wash.  So he’s clean.  And if his energy is so low that he can’t even stand in the shower, you’ve got to know that he’s not working up a sweat doing home improvement projects.  As a matter of fact, his only exercise is walking to the refrigerator to get more ice water.  And if he’s feeling particularly energetic, he’ll grab something for lunch.

But at night he sweats.  Mostly just his head.  It’s like the cancer is trying to let off steam through his hair follicles.  And in the morning, his whole side of the be smells like a yuk I can’t even describe.  It’s like a metallic-y, polyester-y formaldehyde, subway grate steamed sauerkraut burp smell that just overtakes the atmosphere.  And I suppose that’s quite yummy to the creatures of God’s earth who like to lick their own butts.  But to me, in every way possible, CANCER STINKS!

Is there anyone one else out there who smells it too?

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2 thoughts on “Cancer Stinks!

  1. Praying for you guys Alexandra, I know you both are dealing with more than you ever dreamed possible. If i can be of some assistace don’t hesitate to call me

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  2. Steven is sweating because his body has identified some bad cells within and his immune system is elevating his temperature – it’s a part of his body’s immune system at work…. As for the dogs licking…I’m sure it’s the salts and other delicious electrolytes and waste products he is perspiring out that they’re after – I’m sure they think it tastes absolutely fab. Unfortunately the sheets have to be changed daily but night sweats are common when the body is FIGHTING cancer. Just sayin…

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