Today is Sunday, allegedly a day of rest. But not here in Harp House. As Steven stares down his 60th birthday in a few weeks, one would think that the milestone would be the thing to make him introspective. Not so much. The milestone that’s really got him reflecting on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is our baby girl’s birthday. In a few days she will turn 30…which means I had her when I was 8.
So this glorious Sunday, (bee-tee-dubs – I think it’s glorious, but I can’t be sure because it’s still as dark as a skunk’s butt.) I was awakened at 5:00 am by my loving husband, inquiring loudly if I was awake. Well, no, Einstein, I wasn’t..until that booming question yanked me from the serenity of R.E.M. But after I got over the assault to my ears, I was glad to share the morning’s darkness and impending sunrise with the lunatic love of my life.
Let me preface this all by saying that Steven had an appointment with his shrink last week, but he never made it. Here’s an interesting little digresion. He’s been seeing this doc for about 7 years. Dr B has helped him navigate both the craggy trail of cancer survivorship and the innate craziness that is Steven. We used to tell people that Steven was such a head case that we had to have a doctor whose office was 2 blocks from our house…and it’s kinda true. But a month ago, Dr. B moved his very convenient operation across the river to the thriving metropolis of Melbourne.
Now here is where it gets curious. This doctor is man who is smart…very smart. And he’s got a busy practice with crazies flocking to his door. He has been an invaluable part of our lives and recovery for a long time. But his office staff has always been the pits. And the office runs about as smoothly as the Long Island Expressway at rush hour. In other words, it runs at a full STOP! And then they pack up and move the practice? And with an entire patient population of actual crazy people, they change their long term location without ever updating the new address on their internet info, answering machine or appointment cards. To add insult to injury, the newest bitch of a receptionist confirms appointments with the reminder, “Don’t forget we’re in our new office at the end of the Pineda Causeway.” That’s kind of like saying, ‘“we’re at the end of I-95.” Isn’t that the entire city of Miami? Long, really pissed off story short, Steven drove around for 30 minutes, called the office numerous times (they never answer, they just let it go to voice mail) and googled the shit out of it untl then he finally gave up and came home.
Wonder of wonder, miracles of miracles, Steven realized that all the questions, comments and brain teasers that I’ve thrown at him over the years are all the issues that need work, thought and most importantly, PRACTICE. See, cancer doesn’t make you crazy, it just makes you crazier than you were. And because of that, you need to address all your quirks, figure out why you have them and then figure out what to do to be able to live with them. And the shrink just facilitates that for all the people who aren’t married to me!
So, after years of shelling out the big bucks for Steven to go to the doc to discuss the peculiarities that I’ve planted the seeds for the topics du jour, just so he can order from the prescription pad menu of dessert meds, he realized that he can just think through his own issues, get the meds from our GP and use his talk therapist (hey, he’s still crazy enough to need a professional back-up head doctor) when I can’t move him though his dark place. And because of that, instead of 30 minutes of shrink time, and then putting it in the back of his mind, he’s been really thinking about his wacky stuff. Because now, it’s a do-it-yourself project. With that, suffice it to say he knows where he’s gone awry. And he knows what he has to do to straighten out. And he knows that neither the shrink nor the meds will make him happy…only he can do that.
And finally, as Alexis comes up on 30, he’s realized that having a daughter at that advanced age, and surviving her driving, dating, college, careers…and his cancer, he’s OK. Being happy is a choice, being patient is a skill, and being able to get along with others is a gift that just has to be opened. So, he’s breaking up with his shrink and moving on to being responsible for continuing to do what HE has to do to remain shrunk…And like the hokey-pokey, that’s what it’s all about!
Hence, the early morning ‘rise and shine’ from my man. And after enough words spewing from his lips to make he seem like he was channeling Alexis, he’s started to realize where he’s made some wrong turns. And even though he knows he can’t go back, he has started to see that he can correct his course. And he’s already started to put the ball in motion to get back on line. The Lord works in strange and mysterious ways!
So as Alexis enters 30, Steven enters 60 and Iremain the young, trophy wife who is almost younger than both of them, it’s all starting to fall into place. And I think it’s because I’ve stopped trying to interfere with either of them. I just spend my “interfering” time in the car now, driving. Which leaves both of them to just “be.”
And they are succeeding swimmingly without me. Which is making them both even more wonderful when they are with me. So Happy Birthday, Ra. Happy Birthday, Steven. And Happy Days Are Here Again for Alexandra! And now for a nap………..
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