I was about to check my e-mail when I got side tracked by Yahoo News. Recently, I’ve been having trouble with all the disturbing stories and have been trying to avoid reality. With all the negative election stories, the Middle East, Libya, the economy and the rest of the crap that bombards us like shrapnel, it’s overwhelming. But all it took was one little photo to get me thinking…
LINDSAY LOHAN – This babe needs to be in charge of the unemployment problem in our country. She’s amazing! Her resume reads like a “WANTED” poster and when she has a gig she can barely show up for work…yet she keeps getting jobs. I don’t know what the rest of the United States is doing wrong but somehow this Einstein knows something that the rest of us don’t. Let’s make her do her community service for the entire country, rather than just allowing her to suck up our air.
KIM KARDASHIAN – This one needs to be put in charge of the economy. She’s made millions with a few overpriced boutique stores, a sex tape and a couple of bad marriages. Talk about pulling a rabbit out of your butt! She’s just what the country needs to make a profit on nothing. The US will be back on top in a year with a surplus of funds, pouty lips and an ass-load of Twitter followersMEL GIBSON – This guy needs to go to the Middle East. He will absolutely stop the fighting and pull all the battling factions together as soon as he slams back a cocktail and starts shooting off his mouth. I guarantee, there will be peace in the Middle East as soon as they all join forces to hunt HIM. AMANDA BYNES – This one is new on the scene, but has already been working overtime to secure a place right up there with Lindsay! We just have to get this chick a gig in North Korea as chauffeur to Kim Jong-un. Our problems there will be solved withn weeks. NICK NOLTE – This one just needs to be named ambassador to everywhere. Let’s keep flying him around from embassy to embassy on chartered jets stocked with Moonshine! At each stop, we shuttle him off to an embassy and parade that mug around the front yard once or twice a day for a week. You’ll be able to watch the rebels scramble! The only thing that scares a nut is someone who seems nuttier!
OJ SIMPSON –This one needs to get put on Al-Qaida detail. Let him use some of that fancy, running-through-the-airport footwork on that group of numb nuts. He’ll have them so confused they won’t know who they’re mad at! Can’t you see it? “bin Laden? No, that wasn’t us. Yeah, we got photos, but it wasn’t us…Yeah, we were there, but it wasn’t us. What newly published books? What you talkin’ about Willis? If it don’t fit you must acquit. …And finally, THE EVER CHARMING FRED WILLIARD – this is the guy who needs to be put in the game as a substitute for Joe Biden. I’m not voting for Obama, but just in case the country screws up again and he gets re-elected, we deserve someone who is just as funny as Biden, just as willing to drop an “F-Bomb” on an open mike but is ALSO ready to whip out his winkie when he thinks no one is looking. It’s the only way I’ll be able to take 4 more years of the current administration! And what a blooper reel we’ll have to pass down to future generations! After all, history is a f****** big deal!
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