Ode On The Job Search

I sit here like a big fat blob,
Oh, how I wish I had a job.
So many people just like me
Feel like they’ve lost their dignity.

Without a place to go each day
It seems like I have lost my way.
So in my jammies, now I sit
Like a worthless sack of shit!

To be “laid off” means getting dissed
Which then turns into being pissed.
Does that excuse my need to curse?
It does. In fact it WILL get worse!

To all the bosses who have lied
When they once said, “I’m on your side.”
Don’t worry friend, I’ve got your back
I’ll let you know when you should pack.

Now that’s a big fat load of crap.
I know that now, ’cause I’m a sap.
So try this out. You’ll have a ball –
Make “Boss” into a voo-doo doll!

Then yank him first, from left to right
Then give him to the dog to bite.
And hope those choppers make a pass
Across that weasel’s big fat ass!

Remember each and every time
He squeezed blood out of every dime
By saying, “No” to your next raise
And working you on weekend days?

Well, take that doll and give a squeeze
Around the neck, but careful, please.
Don’t kill the likeness of this putz,
Instead just whack him in the nuts.

It’s childish… but still feels good!
Give it a try, I think you should,
So what if it seems immature?
If your frustration, it does cure.

Now just move on; Get back on track,
The job hunt takes a special knack.
Though things have changed as I have said,
The search for work can be from bed.

I check the want ads every day
Oh look…a job at Chik-Filet!
And more online, from which to pick,
That range from,”Oh my God” to “ICK”

The protocol does really suck
And all tradition, it does buck.
No live contact? Thats’s for the birds!
You get hired on good “tag words”

Don’t call or come or mail your stuff,
Just point and click while on your duff.
Attach your resume right now…
Then send…and auto-reply goes, “POW”

We got your e-mail, thank you much,
Now please don’t try to stay in touch.
But I have faith, I need to say,
I’ll have some place to work some day.

We all will find the the perfect place
For us to use our charm and grace
And artsy-fartsy talented flair
For spreading bullshit everywhere!

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