Job Hunting

So here’s the thought of the day.  I’ve jumped into this job hunt thing and it’s unreal what the world has come to.  Remember back in the day, when you used to print out a resume on NICE paper, scour the newspaper for job opportunities, phone the listed companies and make appointments to meet?  Yeah…that was awesome.

Now it’s the impersonal world of the Zuckerberg generation.  Do you know that when his long time girlfriend graduated from medical school, he posted this on his Facebook page:  “I’m so proud of you, Dr. Chan : ) “  Seriously?  That’s what you get for becoming a doctor.   Colon space parenthesis in ITALICS???  I am SO screwed!

I have no idea how to job hunt in this world.  You have to trick up your resume for a COMPUTER!  People don’t look at it.  First it gets scanned by HAL, who could dump you in the “OUT” file if you have the wrong font.  And this whole key word thing is really crazy.  It’s cracking a code, to trick a computer into passing you on to a pile in HR that may or MAY NOT get human handling.  When I say ‘MAY NOT’, what I really mean is that you could end up in the hands of some 20-something associate who hates her mother, so you’re screwed just because you graduated in the Woodstock era. 

Is it like that everywhere?  I’m guessing that the computer that scans for the new hires in the local strip club must be looking for key words like this :

IMG_0411

  • Brazilian Wax
  • Flexible
  • Third Shift
  • Tattoo
  • Implants
  • Spray Tan
  • Daddy Issues
  • “Hands-On” Experience 
  •  

    Remember to good old days, when all you had to do was show up, shake your ta-tas and take a spin around a pole to be able to pick up your g-string and company ID?  Yeah…that was awesome!

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