Dear Everyone We Know,

UP THE CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE

UP THE CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE

Dear Everyone We Know:

As we attack the new developments in Steven’s heath and my work situation, we have another issue on the back burner that needs to be addressed.  Remember the old commercial “THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS?”  In regard to that, to anyone who has received a text, e-mail, fax, Facebook post, carrier pigeon drop or etching in the sand from Steven…I apologize in his behalf.

It’s not that he’s doing anything wrong, but he is in a lot of pain and everyone knows oncologists give THE BEST pain meds.  And pain meds mixed with time home to reflect, sometimes don’t mix together ‘all too pretty good,’ as Steven says.  If you received a funny correspondence, YAY.  If you got one that sounded like he was losing his mind, that was the mixture of free flowing thoughts, too much time alone and hydrocodone.  And, if you got anything that makes you think his days are numbered, please be advised that the only numbers attached to his shelf life are the ones I assign when he pisses me off!

My husband is quite eloquent when he speaks, but his written words are akin to Jethro Bodine.  His e-mails can be two pages long, but are only one sentence, thus the confusion in intent.  So please just roll with and don’t be alarmed.  We have a fabulous holiday season planned.  We are investigating all options.  And no one is dying unless it it involves a crow bar and a conk on the head!

I know the stress of the economy has really weighed down this holiday season and w’ve been trying to keep our spirits up. I’m shocked at the number of people who DON”T have their Christmas trees up, or lights twinkling from the rooftops or piles of gifts awaiting wrapping.  And like those people, Steven and I were starting to follow suit and get kinda Grinch-y.

I preach positive attitude and ‘glass half full’ crap, so I really have to have the chutzpah to back it up. Earlier this week, I decided to yank myself up by the boot straps and do something very O. Henry-ish…make something out of nothing.  Unfortunately, without having long flowing locks to cut and sell on eBay, I had to resort to ingenuity.

I rolled the dice and entered Steven in the biggest end of the year contest give-away available…The United Healthcare “You Hit Your Yearly Out-Of-Pocket-Maximum Expense” Sweepstakes.  And we won BIG.  I’m so excited and can’t wait for our upcoming holiday vacation.

We’ve won a trip to the Cancer Care Treatment Resort and Spa in beautiful Tulsa, Oklahoma.  I’ve never been to Tulsa, but I hear it’s glorious at Christmas time.  And what could be more romantic and relaxing than the spa treatments!  Steven is already signed up for the Most Relaxing Interlude treatment (MRI) and the Chakra Testing scan (CT scan).  The brochure looks beautiful, and we’re planning to take advantage of all the perks.

The shopping isn’t the quite on par with the Encore – Las Vegas esplanade, but they do have specialty shops.  And though the names aren’t as top shelf as Prada and Hermes, I’m pretty sure the quality of the Johnson & Johnson gifts and Eli Lilly souvenirs will be something to treasure.  There are all kinds of other activities already planned, and the itinerary is starting to feel like a day on the Love Boat.

I’ve even talked Steven into doing a whole body cleanse.  He’s hoping it will help him lose a few pounds and make his skin glow.  I just hope he doesn’t figure out it’s a colonoscopy!.  Merry Christmas and HO-HO-OH!!!!!!!!!!

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