Happy-Freakin’-Happy Birthday to Me!

Pond lily 4-3-11Yippee Skippy, today I’m fifty……eight.  Holy crap, does that sound old!  I can’t hardly believe that I’m almost grandmother age…unless I was from Alabama, and then I’d be great-grandmother age!  And anyone taking offense to the Alabama comment can BITE ME.  It’s my birthday!

And what a day it is, so far.  Steven woke up in a foul mood for the first time EVER.  He’s never crabby in the morning.  Of course this is the first time he’s ever awakened with a 58 year old woman in his bed!  But I don’t think that’s the source of the crabbiness, because he still thinks I’m a much younger trophy wife!  (The teacher in me needs to point out that we covered that previously…see Maybe It’s Not Chemo-Brain back in February.)  For those up to speed, we’re moving on.

I think we were both a little testy this morning because:

  1. One of us is getting old
  2. One of us may be losing her job soon
  3. One of us has cancer
  4. The one who might be losing the job has the medical insurance
  5. The one with the cancer has been having bad dreams and restless nights
  6. The one who may be losing the job has been having bad dreams and restless nights

And so I re-iterate, Happy-Freakin’ Happy Birthday to me!

Yet, now that we’re awake and coffee-ed up, the residual crankiness of the morning is vaporizing and I find that amazing.  Over the years I’ve had people say to me, “If you can stand on a stage and tell jokes, you can do anything.”  And people have said to Steven, “If you can make it through chemotherapy, you can do anything.”  I think both of those insights are true, but I don’t think either is the core value.  I think the real deal is this:  IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. 

And we know we can.  This is the 4th run through chemo in the last 8 years.  This is the 4th job I’ve had since I re-entered the ”real” working world 16 years ago.  And this is the 4th time in the past 4 years that I’ve worried about getting laid off and yet I still have the same job.   And so…let us go forth!  (Again, if you don’t like the pun, BITE ME.  It’s my birthday!)

I’ve never been a cheerleader and I’ve never been a Pollyana.  But I’ve always had a great life even with the adversities.  I’ve learned to cheer myself on and look on the bright side because I absolutely know that I’ll be back on the upswing soon.  When I was younger, I really thought I was a golden child.  I thought I was just always lucky and things usually went my way.  I guess I kinda still think that.  However as I got older, I learned in catechism class that they call that Faith.  On the other hand, lots of people have faith.  There are underprivileged people everywhere in the world who pray for help.  I can’t believe those prayers go unanswered yet sometimes it seems that way.

So here’s the rest of it.  Help doesn’t just descend upon you like a balloon full of chocolate bonbons.  It’s more like a door getting cracked open, and no matter how much you pray, the door is not going to suck you through it…unless it’s the door to the House of Porn.  But I digress…the point is that as soon as you discover which door is ajar, you have to kick that door open and run though it.  And however I learned that lesson, that is what makes me a golden child.  So on this day that is the anniversary of my birth, I thank God for the next door that will be left ajar, I thank my Dad for giving me the guts to run through it and I thank Steven for making the run with me.

When I blow out the candles today, my wish will be simple.  No more bad dreams or restless nights for me or Steven.

Happy Birthday to me.  Happy Everyday to Steven.  And Happy-Freakin’-Happy to YOU!


2 thoughts on “Happy-Freakin’-Happy Birthday to Me!

  1. I love you both, You Two give me strength. I enjoy your blog and look forward to entries. I hope you both have wonderful dreams and restful nights. Love always, Kim




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